Over the First Day Hump
Woohoo! I survived the night! It wasn't exactly easy, but I did it :-)
I realize now that this journey will prove to be an interesting one. I became aware last night how many things I do habitually without even thinking about it. I also learned that the little voice inside my head is very convincing and I will need to be on high alert to keep it at bay. The smallest discretion means that my ego (the part of me that is resistant to change) will be empowered. I need to make sure this doesn't happen.
My status thus far is this:
1. I haven't consumed any food = 1 point for Carmen
It was definitely hard to resist the urge to put something in my mouth. It's amazing how when you tell yourself you can't do something, that's the only thing you WANT to do. Ridiculous really!
I visualized how I could open a bag of chips without anyone noticing. Hahahaha. I'm serious. Good thing this is impossible to do :-)
Then my ego tried to convince me that, "What's a couple nuts? They are good for you. You can have a few. No one has to know." Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!! Bad Ego! No No No!
2. I drank a cup of coffee this morning = 1 point for Ego
I am not supposed to drink coffee on this juice cleanse because caffeine is a stimulant drug and I am trying to rid myself of all dependencies. I feel guilty and annoyed with myself for doing it. Even more to the point, I feel irritated with myself for letting my ego win. My ego convinced me that coffee is a liquid so drinking it wouldn't be a bad thing. After being persuaded to the "dark side" I decided that caffeine-free coffee was "totally acceptable". I mean, "I can't be expected to be perfect, right." "What's wrong with coffee anyways?" and that's when it happened.....My ego took over and I jumped into the back seat; happy to have a rest from being the one in charge. Sigh...........
I contemplated not telling you the second part. It's hard to admit when you make a mistake. I also really wanted to be that person who just soars though the process without a hardship in hand. I've read a lot of juicing and diet blogs and everyone talks about how easy it is. How it "wasn't a big deal at all". And maybe it IS that easy for most people. I don't know. But I can't be the only person out there struggling to make amends with their crazy, insatiable and sometimes out of control ego!
I made a promise to you that I would be honest. And so I will. I've also realized I need to quickly let go of the "boo-boo's" so I don't fall into the trap of, "Well I screwed up and today is ruined." "Might as well go out with a bang." "I can try again tomorrow."
My previous black and white mentality is the first thing that needs to go.
So I drank a cup of decaf coffee. Big deal! I was weak. I made an error in judgement. It happened and it might happen again. Yes, I felt disappointed and irritated with myself for a bit, but then I decided I needed to shake myself out of it; "It happened Carmen. Move on."
It was a lesson learned and I feel like I will be better prepared for my sneaky little ego next time.
I'm not perfect. I don't need to be perfect. I just need to find a healthy balance.
Some people might think that completing a 15 day juice cleanse is extreme. That by doing this, I am simply swinging the pendulum in the complete opposite direction. Those people might be right. I don't know. I wont know for another few weeks. But what I do know, is that taking a break from the habitual routines I've become accustomed to, is refreshing. Every minute that goes by I feel a little more free. Every time I say no to a bad idea, I feel alive and in control. I have a long way to go. I know that. But I feel like I am on the path to something pretty great inside me. :-)
My name is Carmen Lisa MacPherson and I'm a self proclaimed humanitarian, wellness advocate and wannabe super hero.