I think there comes a time in everyone's life when they say to themselves, "enough is enough."
For many people that "ah ha" moment probably occurs more frequently. For others, it's sparing or non-existent. I think I probably fall somewhere in the middle.
I believe I am a fairly proactive person, but I also know I have a lot of hidden "ghosts in my closet" if you will. Sometimes it takes a little trauma to open your eyes and give you the nudge you need to make the necessary changes you've been avoiding.
On May 11th, 2014 (Mother's Day no less) I was in a car accident and it scared the crap out of me.
It made me realize that there will always be circumstances outside of my control and being a slight control freak, that realization didn't sit too well with me. To know that you can do everything "by the books", be ready for the unforeseeable and STILL have some inexperienced driver pull out in front of you at the last possible second is a very scary thought to deal with. His poor judgement could have killed me. That memory will stay with me for a very long time, but I am forever grateful and thankful that I am still here.
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This is the first time anything "traumatic" has ever happened to me and I feel....well....strange.
Like I'm not really myself. It's hard to explain the whirlwind of emotions. I guess at the end of the day, I am re-evaluating who I am. There are parts about myself I want to change; habits, thoughts, physical imperfections to name a few. But I am also scared to say good-bye to that part of me because it's all I know. It's who I am. And even though I don't like it, it still feels safe.
After last weekend, I know I am ready to change. I am scared, but I am ready to start a new journey. I am ready to see who I can become and I am tried of telling myself I will start tomorrow. I am sick of my excuses and I'm tried of always feeling like I let myself down. Today is the day. Today is the start of something I have never experienced before. :-)
Enter - "Juice Myself Clean"
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So I have decided to complete a 15 Day Juice Cleanse!
Oh wow! Just writing down those words and committing to them is frightening. I feel a little flush and uneasy. I think it's a sign that I am making the right decision. Pushing through my boundaries and pulling myself away from the bad habits that are holding me back. I was supposed to start this cleanse a week ago, so the accident didn't inspire the idea, but it did make me realize that I can't keep waiting for a tomorrow that may never come.
Although vanity is my deadly sin and I therefore believe I should always be 10-15 pounds lighter, I am not sick and I AM at a healthy weight (rationally) so I'm not really doing this cleanse for physical reasons.
I'm juicing to clean myself of the toxic thoughts, behaviors and habits I have acquired over the years.
I would like to find more productive ways to deal with my feelings and the stresses of life.
And yes, I know there are a million books spouting "daily affirmations" and "Quick Step Systems", but I believe my issues are buried very deep inside me and they will take quite some time to heal.
I also believe that the body is perfectly designed to fix itself if given the right support, so I have decided that the pure approach of nature and inner reflection will be my guide.
So in short......
I'm going to drink fresh, homemade juice every day for 15 days and see what kind of emotional mess I need to pick up off the floor and put back together again once I'm done. LOL
I plan to write about my emotional journey, so I can read how much I have grown during the next 15 days. I will do my best to be honest with my emotions. I say "my best" because some things are hard for me to say and even harder for me to admit. But I will 100% be honest with what I put in my mouth; if I cheat or fall or off the wagon you will be the first to know. I also welcome any feedback or comments. It would feel nice to share my story and hear about all of yours along the way.
Day 1 - May 15th, 2014 @ 1:15pm
So here I am, sitting at my desk after making a clear decision and promise to myself to do this for 15 days.
One side of my brain is cheering like crazy and chanting, "you can do this, you can do this". The other side is smiling smugly from a distance whispering, "Don't worry, you'll be back. You always come back."
I am not psychotic and I don't actually hear "voices". LOL. This is just one of the many metaphors to come, that will help me describe the polar opposite feelings I have to learn to sync together.
I don't feel hungry, although I'm sure come 7:00 pm my mind will be telling me to grab the closest bag of chips in hopes of helping me fill the strange void I will surely start to feel. "It no big deal" I will try to convince myself, "You can always start again tomorrow" OR "I completely agree, today just isn't the right time".
It's hard for me to be strong in those moments. It's so much easier to try again tomorrow. I feel so good during the safety of the daytime hours. I feel committed and unstoppable. But when darkness falls and I find myself alone, I am so easily persuaded to my dark side. It will require a lot of will power and keeping busy to stay on track tonight. I am nervous, but I believe I can do it.
So far I have had 1 juice, 2 herbal teas and I am about to drink my "Mean Green" lunch juice.
I feel good physically. No hunger pains, headaches, dizziness, etc. I have read many blogs where people have indicated these symptoms when juicing, but I haven't noticed anything out of the ordinary as of yet.
I mostly just feel anxious that I have no idea what is going to happen to me emotionally during the next 15 days.
I wont be limiting my juice intake. I've decided I can drink as much juice as I need to feel satisfied and energetic. I will probably be drinking anywhere from 4 to 6 during my cleanse. I am using some recipes from the "Sick, Fat and Nearly Dead" website, as well as some home concoctions. Here are the juices I made for today......
Morning Glory (2 servings)
- 6 carrots
- 4 Apples
- small piece of Ginger (approx. 2 cm)
Mean Green (3 servings)
- 16 Kale Leaves
- 1 handful of Parsley
- 2 Cucumbers
- 8 Celery Stalks
- 4 Apples
- 1 Lemon
Beet Bliss (2 servings)
- 3 Beets
- 4 Pears
- 1 Cucumber
- 4 Celery Stalks
Fingers crossed I can make it through the night. This really is epic for me. LOL
My name is Carmen Lisa MacPherson and I'm a self proclaimed humanitarian, wellness advocate and wannabe super hero.